In Absentia

Today would be your 69th birthday.
You missed the last four of them
And you will miss all the rest of them.
You went before you got old:
A good thing, perhaps -- you
Always feared the unkindness
Of age.

What could I tell you about
The time that has passed
Without you? The usual
Succession of suns and rains,
The unsurprise of hurt and balm,
The triviality of a minor
Chord change.

You missed so little and
So much. I grew, without you.
Other people witness
What I am becoming;
I smile for others, and tell them
Words I would have kept
For you.

I would have loved to have
You a little longer.
I could have shown you an
Older me; I could have loved you
From the depth of four bonus years.
I could have been what you always
Were for me.

Instead, I am here,
On this page, feeling your
Absence and conjuring
Your presence. My smile
Is yours, and my words
The ones you taught me.
Happy birthday,

From the one you held
Close as long as you could.