In*spiration

Inside, something snapped,
splintered. A long asystole,
a mid-breath arrest, and
a shock of nothingness - then
a dazzling moment of
syncopated truth.

I finally passed you by
and walked on without
turning, my glance
relaxing into other
lives, my rigor mortis
melting in the sun.

An inspiration
opening the lungs,
injecting the eye with
the trace of a clue,
shifted minutely
and inimitably

the birds, the trees, the sky.
All just mine, all new.

In Absentia

Today would be your 69th birthday.
You missed the last four of them
And you will miss all the rest of them.
You went before you got old:
A good thing, perhaps -- you
Always feared the unkindness
Of age.

What could I tell you about
The time that has passed
Without you? The usual
Succession of suns and rains,
The unsurprise of hurt and balm,
The triviality of a minor
Chord change.

You missed so little and
So much. I grew, without you.
Other people witness
What I am becoming;
I smile for others, and tell them
Words I would have kept
For you.

I would have loved to have
You a little longer.
I could have shown you an
Older me; I could have loved you
From the depth of four bonus years.
I could have been what you always
Were for me.

Instead, I am here,
On this page, feeling your
Absence and conjuring
Your presence. My smile
Is yours, and my words
The ones you taught me.
Happy birthday,

From the one you held
Close as long as you could.

This was Me

За Тамару, која почиње

ТРАГАЊЕ

Открићу ти једну тајну:
Одувек о теби снивам.
У чаробне нити танке
Мојих снова расплетених
Заплићеш се врло вешто
И тајне ми шаљеш знаке.

С тобом ловим Млади Месец
Кроз поноћне шумске крике;
С тобом пратим Јужни Ветар
И гусарска тражим блага;
С тобом јурим Добре Виле
Вештице и Чаробњаке.

Срећем те на сваком углу
Зачараног лавиринта;
Видим те у сваком перу
Жар-птициног златног крила;
Сваки нови светионик
Управља ка теби зраке.

Да ти певам ову песму
Ни на јави нећу стати;
Једино још увек не знам:
Хоћу ли те препознати?

(1993)

Approximation:

For Tamara, who is beginning

THE SEARCH

Do you want to know a secret? -
I have always dreamt about you.
You have knit yourself with magic
Into unfurled threads of my dreams
Where you sit and smile and whisper
Sending me your secret signals.

You go with me on the Moon hunt
Through the echoes of black forests;
You go with me and the South Wind
In the search of pirate treasures;
You go with me on the wild chase
After Fairies, Hags, and Wizards.

You are there at every corner
Of the spellbound maze and riddle;
I can see you in each feather
Of the golden-wingèd flame-bird;
Every lighthouse sends its searchlight
Without fail in your direction.

I won't cease to sing you this song
Even in the waking hours,
But I wonder: will I ever
Know your face among the others?

(1993)